Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Call Me Dawn

Wearing a lot of hats makes my head sweaty.

To “wear many hats” is an idiomatic expression. Idiomatic is a word that means expressions for idiots. An idiot is a person who wouldn’t be able to remember his or her head if it wasn’t attached, and to “wear a lot of hats,” on the head that is attached to you, means you have a lot of jobs and maybe you’re not an idiot. 

My head is sweaty a lot.

Consider this post a disclaimer and an explanation. Here’s a few of the hats I wear:

The YaYa Hat: It’s a big floppy hat that I bought in South Korea at the de-militarized zone. It’s the hat I wear, physically and metaphysically, when I have to listen to 101 thousand knock-knock jokes that make absolutely no sense in any reality—ever.

The Wife Hat: Hasn’t arrived yet. I just ordered it on Amazon. 

The Foreman Hat: It’s a Texas A&M ball cap that I stole from my oldest son because he had it broken in perfectly. I wear it to keep the sun from eating off the end of my nose when I’m mowing . . . everything, everywhere, all the time. 

The Author Hat: It’s imaginary and changes color every time I write a new paragraph.

The Book Marketer Hat: It’s shaped like a dunces cap because of the endless learning curve required in the shifting, evolving world of selling books.

The My-Name-Is-Dawn Hat: Worn at yoga, it has the name Dawn embroidered on it, apparently. My yoga instructor calls me Dawn. I’ve told her my name isn’t Dawn, but she . . . well . . . insists on calling me Dawn. So, that’s that. Dawn is my yoga name. Dawn it is. Sigh. When I go to Zumba my name is Conchita. 

The Primary President Hat: Primary is our Sunday School/Children’s Program at my church. I’m the president. There are about seventy children on the rolls in our program. This hat is made of puppets and stickers.

The Community Volunteer Hat: It’s a riding helmet. 

The Science Club Leader Hat: This isn’t a hat as much as it is a butterfly net and a jar with holes poked in the lid.

Blogger Hat: For years and years, I’ve worn a hat that resembles Clark Kent’s fedora. As I watch and gather information for the blogs that I participate in www.beyondthestrandline.blogspot.com (serious) and www.zippityzerns.blogspot.com (silly) I try to look like the mild mannered reporter. Once in a while, I take Clark’s hat off and I put on a cape. No hat required.

I thought when I got older there would be less hats.

Linda (Mad Hatter) Zern

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...