My Regular, Annual,
Semi-Official Ghost Written Disclaimer
My
name is from the 1950’s. My age
spots are from the wear-no-sunscreen ‘60s. My stretch marks are from the baby
making ‘80s and my attitude is the culmination of fifty-three years of paying
attention to the big words coming out of the mouths of politicians, professors,
popcorn venders, and pompous pontificators that said one thing, did another,
and did not or do not deserve a second chance. Lovely rhetoric is lovely, but
I’m more into stone, cold results.
Color
me skeptical.
I
was blogging before it was called blogging. It was called chatting over the
back fence. I’ve been chatting over the back fence, once a week, for over
thirteen years.
Here’s
stuff that I’ve figured out—also my philosophy:
Sorting
the silverware into individual slots for the convenience of fork users is
weird. Throw it all in a drawer and let the moochers sort it out for
themselves.
Folding
sheets into tiny, tidy squares is a lot of effort for not much. Lump the silly things
up and shove them in a laundry basket.
All
the knobs on your kitchen cabinets DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH! I know. I know;
radical, revolutionary talk fated to drive my son-in-law mad.
“They”
are the worst possible source of information. “They” are probably the idiots
that came up with the matching kitchen cabinet knob rule.
Chocolate
covered raisins are the smartest food on earth.
Babylon
is alive and well and trying to sell you something on Amazon—matching kitchen
cabinet knobs.
Anarchy
is like a two-year old on a binky binge with a diaper full of pucky. Anarchy is for
the birds. No. Even birds have more self-discipline than those self-proclaimed
anarchists, crying for their binkies and flinging their own poo.
Being
a selfish twit (i.e. wicked) makes you insecure and insecurity makes you
fearful and being fearful makes you mean and mean people are selfish twits.
Knock it off (i.e. repent).
The
best cure for insult or reproach is to be able to 1) laugh at yourself 2) laugh
at the people who make fun of your mismatched kitchen knobs and libertarian
values 3) recognize “them” for the “they” that “they” be and 4) keep your
knives sharp and your wit sharper.
Note: The management is not responsible for
the opinions expressed in this blog by Linda L. Zern with her 1950’s name and
her stretch marks, because the management is probably obsessing over getting
the sheets folded into squares the size of postage stamps. Silly management.
Lin(duh)
Zern (circa 1958)
