I know because when I’m on Facebook there’s a picture of these gorgeous Swarovski’s crystal earrings that pop up with the tantalizing, unwritten subliminal message, “Buy me! You know you want to, Linda Zern, Prime member since . . .”
Facebook knows about those earrings because Amazon blabbed.
The earrings are beautiful.
For fun, I was poking around on Amazon and putting virtual stuff in my virtual shopping cart, which is like putting air into dreams, wrapped in fog made of wishes. None of it is real.
Doesn’t matter. Amazon has mined my brain full of wishes, and now I see pictures of crystal blue persuasion every place I look.
I should be mad. I’m not. But I have become determined to not click on anything that my grandchildren might see when I’m checking poorly spelled memes on Facebook.
Hero (aged three) saw the earrings ghosting up and down the side of my computer and said, “Those are good.”
Aren’t they just?
Mostly, I was glad I had NOT been shopping for ‘body shapers,’ which are old fashion girdles wrapped in more and extra spandex and fresh marketing . . .
Or booby bras as the grand boys call them, laughing wildly.
Or the giant bottles of glucosamine PILLS I buy to lubricate my rusty bones which leads to the bad drug, good drug discussion.
Or the books with lusty bodice ripping covers I buy for “research” purposes.
Or her birthday present.
The things you have to worry about in this twenty-first century are many and silly.
NEVER SHOP FOR STUFF YOU DON’T WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT ON THE COMPUTER—EVER.
MAYBE NEVER SHOP.
I would do a Google search for “Guy in Trench Coat Selling Watches” but I’m afraid of what will pop up . . . or out . . . or off.
Maybe it’s time to go back to raising sheep for their hairy bits, spinning those hairy bits into strings, and weaving those strings together into poncho shapes. It’s time consuming, but it’s private.
I’m not sure where I’d even find blue crystals that I could hammer into ear bobs. Do you grow crystals? Or mine them? Or hatch them from crystal egg laying birds? But that’s a worry for a post-Internet world.
Linda (Dream Weaver) Zern
