I’m short. I’m short because the conventional wisdom in 1958 said that
smoking during pregnancy was nifty.
Doctors assured women that smoking would keep their unborn babies small,
making them easier to push out of small places.
Conventional wisdom was stupid, and now I’m
short.
And so I’d like to bust a couple of
conventional wisdom myths right down to their collective jibber jabber
foundations.
Conventional wisdom says that human beings are
just animals in baggy pants. (I watch the Discovery Channel that’s how I know
stuff.) If the convention is going to insist on this humans as animals angle
then the convention should not be shocked when the people animals fling their
poo, scrump like Bonobos, and eat their young.
Conventional wisdom says that overpopulation is
a problem. No worries. Mother
nature (a gal that a lot of folks now like to worship) has a way of taking care
of out of control populations. It’s called a pandemic. Sure it’s messy for a
while but in the end the ten percent of the people animals that survive will
have all the free ice cream they can stand—until it melts.
Wisdom that is conventional says that having
children is a twenty-year prison sentence. Absolutely. Keep believing that.
Don’t even risk it. Danger! Danger!
(More room on the playground for my kids and
grandkids.)
Conventional wisdom says that conservative,
religious people are stupid. Maybe. But they’re also the people having all the
babies, probably teaching those babies how to be conservative and religious.
The stupid beasts.
Conventional wisdom says that everything in
this world can be fixed with money: low self esteem, baggy pants fads, the
wacky ends of the bell curve, meanness, greed mongering, pimples, pandemics,
poorness, cow flatulence . . . etc. If that bit of wisdom were true we would
have escaped the Matrix by now. I don’t really know how that follows, but it
makes as much sense as money being the answer to all our pimple problems.
A lot of humans all thinking the same stuff is
considered conventional wisdom or the status quo.
When your status is full of quo you probably
have been told that the people animals, which appear particularly scrump worthy
are in fact—hot.
Hot is a term indicating a level of sexual
desirability.
It’s also a word that means the temperature of
sidewalks, the readiness of waffles, and the heat index of any Florida day in
August.
Conventional wisdom says that a sexually mature
Bonobo monkey girl will advertise her “readiness” by bending over at the waist
and displaying her . . . ur . . . um . . . hottish parts in a gyrating bounce.
Not really, but it fits my narrative.
In people, bending over at the waist and
displaying your hottish parts in a gyrating bounce is called twerking, which
brings us back to the humans as animals angle.
Why are we surprised by anything we see at the
VMA awards? Conventional wisdom says those folks are the best and the most
talented among us.
Conventional wisdom is still stupid, and I’m
still short.
Linda (Puff the Magic Dragon) Zern
