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| CHICKEN WITH CAT |
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| GOAT ON RABBITS |
We are hobby farmers. Hobby farmers live in a relative rural
setting, dabble in various kinds of “farming,” and have the knowing of a lot of
fascinating farm facts. Or as my son-in-law observed, “ Farming means buying
animals that poop and then moving the poop around.”
True.
Poop moving accounts for approximately seventy-three percent
of time usage on the typical hobby farm, and clever, new uses for poop or the
moving of poop is always exciting news, proving that hobby farmers are
inquisitive people eager to know new stuff.
Knowing new stuff is ninety three percent of why a person
would take up farming for a hobby in the first place.
Over the years I’ve learned a few important life lessons
because of my hobby:
EVERYTHING THAT GETS ITSELF BORN ENDS UP IN A NEATLY DUG
BACKHOE HOLE IN THAT BIG PASTURE IN THE SKY—EVENTUALLY. Life is transient and
precious, so kick up your heels when spring finally shows up and the sun
finally shines down.
MOTHER NATURE IS A B*TCH. When a mother rabbit gives birth to a deformed, three-legged
baby, she will calmly carry it to a far corner of the cage and abandon it—or
eat it. Mother nature does not waste time, energy, or resources on diversity.
MOTHER NATURE IS A B*TCH. And we human beings are not animals. We may have hair, warm
blood, and mammary glands, but we also have wheel chairs.
EVERYTHING POOPS.
So stop pretending that you don’t.
ROOSTERS DO NOT LAY EGGS. Hopefully, this does not require an explanation.
FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBORS. Except when you try to help your
neighbor corral his rampaging steer by vaulting the communal gate, dislocate
your knee, and wind up without important ligaments in your knee. Then fences
are like Mother Nature.
LIFE IS NOT ONE LITTLE BIT FAIR. Even after doing everything right, the pony still colic’s
and dies, the coyotes still carry off newborn lambs, oranges still freeze back
to the rootstock, and cutworms still invade like a Nazi panzer tank division
cutting the tomato plants slap down to the well mulched ground. It’s possible
that without divine help and assistance we are all dead men.
AND SOMETIMES LIFE IS A 1ST PLACE RIBBON AT THE
OSCEOLA COUNTY FAIR, because your Nubian milk goat has a “mammary capacity that
cannot be denied. We have our grand champion!!” And that means that you own a
goat with the biggest teats in twenty-three counties, and life is good.
So let’s recap. Hobby farming gets us off the city streets,
out of the rat race, and back into the fields where we belong. Otherwise, we
run the risk of thinking that chicken eggs are created in Styrofoam egg cartons
in the dairy section at Wal*Mart.
Linda (Scooping Poop) Zern
