Monday, September 28, 2015


Over the years, Moms learn a lot. I know about “blood” moons, yeast bread, and potty training. I can sew my own curtains, pillows, and clothes. I’ve experienced elementary, middle, and high school five times—a side benefit of being a homeschooler. I can paint a wall and grow a rose. I can’t help knowing a lot of stuff. 

It’s like barnacles. When you’re in the water long enough, you grow barnacles. I’ve been in the water a while. Besides, I like to watch the Discovery channel. 

Doesn’t matter. This is the age of Google. My knowledge base is challenged at regular intervals, mostly when I talk.

Doesn’t help that I often make statements—out loud, randomly, and without warning. 

“Hippos kill more people in Africa than any other animal,” I spout off.

Scoffs, scorns, and narrowed eyes greet my statement.

Kid #2 yelled, “Google it.”

Kid #3 immediately starts scratching at her phone. 

“Nope,” Kid #3 exulted. “It’s the mosquito. Most dangerous animal in the world.”

“Okay, my bad. I should have said land mammal.”

“Too bad,” Kid #2 said. “We Googled you.”

When the grandkids were studying Egyptian history I suggested, “Hey, you should try building a shaduf.”

“What’s a shaduf?”

“It’s an ancient Egyptian device for dipping water out of a river.”

One skeptic whispered, loudly, “Google it.”

Phone scratching commenced.

“Yep. She’s right. This . . . time.”

Sometimes the Google wins. Sometimes I win. I guess it’s okay. It’s a lot like running for public office. The fact checkers are everywhere, scratching at their phones.

“Did you know that koala bears are absolutely disgusting animals?” I offer, after hearing about how adorable someone thought they were. “The babies eat their mother’s poop, eighty percent of them have a sexually transmitted disease that makes them incontinent, and they’re mean. Go ahead Google it and weep.”

They did. They wept.

Google at your own risk. That’s what I say.

Did you know that the end of the world, well . . . at . . . least the end of the part that runs your television and Googler machine, is most likely to come from the giant star in the sky? Solar flares are real. They come from the sun. They have already blasted the earth many times. Because we are SO dependent on the electrical power grid in this century, a real deal solar storm could smash the grid to fried wires and blown transformers. What? 

Google it.

Linda (Candle Both Ends) Zern



Betty Horn said...

Yeah, I knew that. Google it!

LINDA L. ZERN said...

Ha. I'm about done with this google thing. Or not.

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