Wednesday, April 2, 2014

D is for Disclaimer

Once in a while, in the interest of pure, clean, sparkly honesty, I like to post a bit of a disclaimer, concerning my essay writing. NOTE: Don’t let the word essay make you itchy. Essay is a fancy word for bit of news or gossip or story that I might tell you “over the back fence,” as if we shared an actual fence and you were in the backyard while I was in the backyard and our kids were playing together under the clothesline.

Social media is the new back fence where it’s possible to “chew the fat” with one or a viral number of your closest most intimate friends. “Chewing the fat” is the act of having a chatty, amiable conversation with someone, preferably over the back fence.

So here’s the 411 (an expression meaning information or knowledge):

MARRIAGE DEAL: I’m married to Superman. Enough said.

FAMILY DEAL: Superman and I have four grown, married children, ranging in age from “no way I have a kid that old” to “no way my baby is that old.” We also have ten grandchildren ranging in age from “when did Zoe Baye start her own duct tape pillow business” to “quick catch Scout Harper she’s making a break for the door.”

LIFESTYLE SETUP: Superman and I live on six acres in a part of Florida known as rural. We have some horses, a couple of dogs, a bunch of bunnies, a coop full of chickens, and a pregnant goat. We spend our time driving to the feed store to purchase groceries for one and all.


DAYTIME ACTIVITIES: Mowing, burning, chopping, edging, planting, tending, pruning, grooming, riding, shoveling, digging, mulching, weeding, picking, growing . . . oh, and I also write stuff: essays, E-books, manuscripts, chapter books, illustrated books and stories, short and otherwise.

NIGHT TIME ACTIVITIES: Listening to coyotes howl and doing homework.

IMPORTANT TO KNOW: I exaggerate for fun and laughs. Hyperbole is my middle name.

BLESSINGS: Folks who have read my writing and responded, so that I don’t feel like I’m talking to myself over the back fence while chewing the fat.

POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY: Don’t pick my pocket, and I won’t pick yours. Period.

IN THE BEGINNING: My essays started as little stories that I told my mother, while sitting on her side porch, at the end of the day. I’d share this or that little thing that my kids had done or said, and I found that I enjoyed the telling more if I could make her laugh. Laughing at the mania and mess and mayhem put a fine bit of ending punctuation on another challenging stay-at-home, homeschooling kind of day.

Then Al Gore invented the Internet, and I took to the virtual super highway like a cheetah chasing warthogs—kind of. Mostly, I just stumbled around social media trying to remember clever passwords designed to thwart the efforts of hacker chicks in Beijing. Sigh.

I still like making people laugh, and cry, and think though, especially over the back fence while our kids and grandkids play under the clothesline.

Linda (L is for Laugh) Zern

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