It has cost me tens of thousands of dollars to learn how NOT to write.
As a student of creative writing I study the fine and gentle art of word mongering. I love mongering the words. It’s important to know that part of learning how to write means learning how NOT to write. There are more rules than you might think when you become a wordmongerer.
EXCESSIVE USE OF SPICES (ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS)
My happy, humming laptop slid rapidly and quickly off the comfy, cushy bed. I did not really drop, actually throw, quickly roll, mightily toss, or completely skip the smallish computer off the very tall bed. It really, really just slid.
It really, really slid from a softly puffing pillow top mattress onto an average grade slightly tired and walked on Walmart carpet and actually seized completely up. The thickly thick power cord bent extensively and a lot.
FILTERING (ACCORDING TO JOHN GARDNER FILTERING IS THE NEEDLESS LOOKING THROUGH SOME OBSERVING
CONSCIOUSNESS IN WRITING.) YIKES! SOUNDS SERIOUS!
For Example: Turning, I saw my laptop slide off the bed.
Compare: I turned. The laptop slid off the bed. The screen went black, and I was a dead woman. This was the fifth laptop I’d killed with my bare hands.
TOO MANY HE SAID, SHE SAIDS.
“How could you drop your computer again?” he said, asked, or squalled at me like a wounded cat.
“I didn’t drop it. It slid,” I said.
“I did not drop it. It slid off, by itself,” I said again.
“Linda, laptops do not grow on trees,” he said like a big numb nut.
“Really!” I said, my voice sounding really, really mean. “Since when?”
“Now, you’re just being sarcastic,” he said.
Turning, I gave him my best and most evil eye stare. (Actually, that could be an example of filtering.)
There’s more stuff that I’ve learned, but I’m all tired out. Writing is hard. I need a nap.
Linda (Write Stuff) Zern