1. These are the words of Linda, Queen and Groundskeeper of our people—even the YaYa Zern.
2. Speaking forth those words to them that will hear, in this season of both Internet shopping and good-will-wishing under the mistletoe kissing.
3. Yea, the days of our tribe did pass away this selfsame year as if in a dream—fueled by both: food that is fast and takeout Fridays.
4. For I did yet hearken unto the nagging of my children and did continue to seek learning and knowledge—even at Rollins College, an Ivey league school or at least a school with Ivey that groweth upward upon the bricks of the walls.
5. And the Queen’s children, even my own seed, did covet much of my excellent bedroom furniture and my fine credit rating.
6. Surely, I did chastise them and say to them, doth the Queen have need of another pillow top mattress? Or doth the Queen not have power to write much of their deeds and doings and make it known to all the people round about?
7. I say nay, or yea, or I shalt get back to thee.
8. And Sherwood also called the King and First Rocker of Babies—in that not one of our people, could maketh a baby cease its wailing and sleep sound as he doth—did continue to tap much upon his computer keys in the language of acronym.
9. For he did work much for the Babylonians in the land of the mighty lakes.
10. Having gone forth, both Sherwood and his father, to Fort Campbell, Kentucky to retrieve SSG Aric Zern’s Jeep Sport Wrangler and drive it forth to our own land, so that when returning from the mountain wars of Afghanistan, Aric might come forth to claim his red Jeep chariot.
11. Likewise, I did go forth, driving the red Jeep to the city gates and Wal-Mart and Gold’s Gym—while playing loudly of the drum and harp and thinking on sons who fight in far and distant lands.
12. And Adam, even the youngest son said unto the world, I do make an end of learning in the spring, then my life will be as the voice of the Turtledove. And we, even his family, did mock him to laughter, but he did withstand all our mocking.
13. He being strengthened in all things by his goodly wife, even Sarah, she having already made an end of her learning at BYU.
14. And Heather did bring forth one Zachary called Flap Jack and Maren did bring forth Reagan called after a Republican, with their husband’s, one Phillip of Bountiful and T. J. of Titusville.
15. And I said unto the daughters of our tribe, gird they sword upon they thigh and tighten all thy buttons for the children doth require thee to be stronger, longer than they.
16. For they did number seven: Zoe the Woman-Child (7); Conner the Much Forgiven (4); Emma the Careful (5); Kip the Daring (2) and Sadie the Dramatic (2) and, of course, Zachary and Reagan (4 and 5 months in their first year.)
17. Thus saith the YaYa, that I make an end of these words for this merry season of Christmas and doth wish goodness and joy on all those who dare to pick roses despite the thorns.
This old world sure is fine and mighty hard to beat.
With every rose you get a thorn, but ain’t the roses sweet.