The Naked Truth About Boys
(A Classic ZippityZern Essay
Dateline: New Smyrna Beach; A Summer Gone By; A Mexican Restaurant:
Boys are so weird; I said it when I was nine, and I stand by it. Watching Adam chew, snot, and cry his way through the entire heap of toxic peppers was revolting boarding on disgusting with a dash of horrific, but worse was the four hours of male speculation on what a full cup of jalapeno peppers was going to do to Adam’s gastrointestinal track and when. Boys are so weird.
My son-in-law was happy to add to the discussion by relating a charming collegiate “Taco Bell – Hot Sauce Packet” story. The bet was for the consumption of one hundred packets, but the guy “melted down” (i.e. vomited) at fifty hot sauce packets. Disgusting but highly amusing was his official commentary.
I knew that I was dealing with a new brand of barbarian when I heard myself saying, “There is no playing of computer games in this house, NAKED, mister—or pony riding!) I tried to think of all the ways they could break the rules while naked. I couldn’t.
Please don’t misunderstand. I love boys. They are fun. They are game. They are always ready to go hiking through the mud of the The Little Big Econ State Park knocking down the giant Banana spider’s webs that block the trail with big sticks.
Linda (Barbarian Mother and Overlord) Zern